This is a journal entry I found from when I was a sophomore in high school. It inspired the tattoo on the inside of my right arm and was a daily read that inspired the lifestyle I chose as a youth pastor and a reminder to seek God every day.
“What does it mean to be fully devoted to you? What does being a Christian really even mean? If it means being a Christ follower or being Christ like, how is that even suppose to feel?
Why is it that we have been given two options? One good and one bad? Why is it, that if we choose the bad one, the wide and easy road, it feels so good, yet feels us so empty, so broken and so alone? And if we choose the good one, choose You, it’s ultimately fulfilling, rewarding and full of unbelievable peace, yet, it is so much harder? Honestly, how many times can I look away and when I turn back You’re still standing there with arms wide open? Because when reality comes I feel like I can’t do it.
I try so hard to be something I’m not. It is so hard to be the biblical definition of Christ follower. One that drops everything and lives his life to magnify You. When I’m at church or at school, I feel like I’m surrounded by the same type of people. People that say they believe in You and who You are, but when they step a foot outside, into the world, they put on the same face that I carry around. The face that says, yes, I believe in Christ yet I’m going to act the same way as the world.
Well God, this is it. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to live the way culture tells me I will succeed. Because I know those paths lead to the roads of selfishness, discontent, and worldly gain, which will eventually die out anyway. I want to live my life differently. I want people to look at my life and see You. I want to live my life parallel to Yours. I truly believe in my heart that You are who You say You are. So I know what that means… I get one shot, one chance to make a difference, one chance to live my life the way You see it. I understand that in the eyes of eternity, my life here on earth is just a blink, a fraction of a second.
In light of that, I have three years left of high school. When I graduate, I don’t want to be just another picture on the wall. When people pass by, I want them to say, “Man, Mark Robinson made a difference in my life.” Or, “Mark Robinson made a difference in this school.” Or most importantly, “Mark Robinson lived for something greater than himself.”
Your word says that there is nothing greater than to follow after You. “To live a life worthy of the calling which I have received.” The calling to spread the word of God, to speak truth, Your truth into others, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing.
Well, this is it God, I ask then that you give me the wisdom and the strength to do so because God, I don’t want to waste my life.”